Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Playing along at home with Pitchfork's top 20 albums of 2013

Alright, alright alright alright! After seeing only P4k's list of 'honorable mentions', here are the 20 albums I anticipate being in their 'best album' list's top 20 slots (in order):

20. DJ Rashad
19. Fuck Buttons
18. Chvrches
17. Field
16. Youth Lagoon
15. Haxan Cloak
14. My Bloody Valentine
13. Kurt Vile
12. Danny Brown
11. Phosphorescent
10. Darkside
9. Drake
8. Bill Callahan
7. Daft Punk
6. Deafheaven
5. Savages
4. Arcade Fire
3. Kanye
2. Disclosure
1. Vampire Weekend

Woof! Okay, just looked at 21-50. Kind of unsettling that they’re doing everything in one day this year!! At the very most ideal situation (no Sky Ferreira), I will have chosen 14 of the actual top 20. I guess I have to be content with that! Here’s my updated roster for 20:

20. Charli XCX
19. Haim
18. Shaking the Habitual
17. Chance
16. Iceage
15. Julianna Barwick
14. Field
13. Youth Lagoon
12. My Bloody Valentine
11. Kurt Vile
10. Danny Brown
9. Darkside
8. Bill Callahan
7. Daft Punk
6. Deafheaven
5. Savages
4. Arcade Fire
3. Kanye
2. Disclosure
1. Vampire Weekend

20. Jai Paul - Jai Paul
Ah yes! I need to download this. I think actually only listened to it once, while it was streaming. This is pretty #20 worthy. I expect a decent amount of 15-20 to be things absent from my predictions.
19. Earl Sweatshirt - Doris
One from my bank of 5 runners up for this top 20. Another album I haven’t given enough attention to!
18. Janelle Monae - The Electric Lady
Aaah! Another one from my 5 ‘on deck’. For reference, the other 3 are Foxygen, After Dark 2, and These New Puritans.
17. Haim
AAh Much love to Haim’s singles, but I am so happy this isn’t in the top ten. Speaking of-- if Sky is in the top 20, which she probably is… I will be disappointed.
16. Bill Callahan
Soooo good. I love ya, Bill! Underrated on this list and many others. The world is a cruel place.

SO, critical reevaluation time. I’m switching out some of the ‘less exciting’ acts that I didn’t feel Pitchfork reported on a ton this year. The weird thing at this point is that some of the albums I anticipated for the top 20 will not have been in the top 70 (though P4k asserts that the ‘honorable mention’ list isn’t a continuation). Let’s see. If Charli XCX knocks out one of these contenders...

15. Shaking the Habitual
14. Field
13. Youth Lagoon
12. My Bloody Valentine
11. Kurt Vile
10. Danny Brown
9. Darkside
8. Sky Ferreira (ugh)
7. Daft Punk
6. Deafheaven
5. Savages
4. Arcade Fire
3. Kanye
2. Disclosure
1. Vampire Weekend

15. Sky Ferreira - Night Time, My Time
Phew! Swiped in at the final moment.
14. The Knife - Shaking the Habitual
So close to being on the money with this! This was a great record. Very satisfied with the placement.
13. Kurt Vile - Wakin on a Pretty Daze
Kurt Vile is so dreamy! A little too low, but 13 isn’t a bad number.
12. Chance the Rapper - Acid Rap
Yes!! I’m so glad this is so high on the list. I got cold feet and took him off the “top 15” draft because he was so slighted in the 100 songs list. Great, great stuff.
11. Darkside - Psychic
I’m satisfied with this ranking. It’s a fun album, but given its competition, it seems a little unlike Pitchfork to stick to their guns in ranking an album of this genre (sorry, “these genres”) in the very top of the list.
10. Arcade Fire - Reflektor
Ah!!! This is a bit of an upset. I’m actually pretty happy about this, though--I’d probably rank this at about #10 in a personal list.
9. Savages - Silence Yourself
Such a terrific debut! I pictured Pitchfork making a statement with this, but #9 is still a statement. Again, I’ll settle. Maybe I should expect an upset switch like in the songs list, where my top 4 picks ended up in the 6-10 range.. But I am feeling pretty confident about my top 3.
8. Majical Cloudz - Impersonator
WOW! Another true upset. And because I’m lazy and just started with a longlist of 2013’s ~50 BNMs and a few I remembered on the side, I didn’t even have this in the running. This is a pretty deserving album for top 10 contention. Wow, I just realized I forgot to make a top 10 list! So, here are my updated rankings for Pitchfork’s top 7. Get your cash bets ready! The record I feel the most unsure about placing is RAM. It could really go in any of these slots. Let’s see..

7. My Bloody Valentine
6. Danny Brown
5. Deafheaven
4. Daft Punk
3. Kanye
2. Disclosure
1. Vampire Weekend

7. Daft Punk - Random Access Memories
Whoa!! Well, there it goes. Will thought this was going to be #1. Sorry Will, but you were SO WRONG!

6. My Bloody Valentine
5. Danny Brown
4. Deafheaven
3. Kanye
2. Disclosure
1. Vampire Weekend

6. Deafheaven - Sunbather
YEEEAAAH. Black metal in the top 20! I don’t know when this last happened. You did a good job, Deafheaven, but next time? Shoot for the top 4 (Y’don’t want to make me look bad, do you?) When this album came out, I sent it to my mom in hopes that she would finally concede to the quality of the genre. It’s that sort of record. (You already probably know that, though, if you’re reading this silly thing)

5. My Bloody Valentine
4. Danny Brown
3. Kanye
2. Disclosure
1. Vampire Weekend

5. Danny Brown - Old
This is how you follow a tremendous success!
4. My Bloody Valentine
This is how you follow a tremendous success!
3. Disclosure - Settle
The “act that looked the most like high schoolers” at SXSW ‘13 ended up putting out the electronic album of the year. Full of hits like a Michael Jackson record--and one of the guys doesn’t even read books! I feel tempted, at this point, to switch Vampire Weekend with Kanye for #1 record. That said, in a year where gol-darn Drake has Pitchfork’s number one song (a total embarrassment), it seems fitting that Vampire Weekend will fill the top slot.
2. Kanye West - Yeezus
and
1. Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires of the City
Well, there it is. In the past week, I switched my guess for this slot from Yeezus to Settle. After reading the songs list yesterday, though, I settled on this one. I did it! Why, then, do I feel so discontent with this choice? :)

final tally- initial guesses - after seeing only the honorable mention list 13/20
guesses after seeing 21-50 15/20

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Instant Review - Knee-jerk reactions to the P4k 100 for 2013

100. Factory Floor - Fall Back
This is a great track. I don’t think I have adequately paid attention to this group. Something to catch up on 2014!
99. Thee Oh Sees - Toe Cutter - Thumb Buster
Oh seeeeees! I wonder if there will be another track on the list from this album. I would have to guess ‘minotaur’.
98. The Range - Metal Swing
I don’t think I’ve heard this album, either. Fair enough, as I don’t see why I’d consciously choose to listen to FF or the Range and not to the other one.
97. Foxygen - No Destruction
Some songs are tightly bound to memories, but this song just reminds me of having conversations about Foxygen.
96. Ty Segall - Sleeper
This is a nice one indeed. It would be fun if even a quarter of today’s acts put out material as varied as the stuff Ty has released. Bye Bye!!
95. Swearin’ - Dust in the Gold Sack
Man, Swearin’ is so much better than Waxahatchee! This song rips.
94. Duke Dumont - Need U (100%) feat. A*M*E
Where was this song when I was DJing to myself in my dorm in 2009??
93. David Bowie - Love is Lost (Hello Steve Reich Remix by James Murphy)
Yeah, this is terrific. I’d have put it higher. I love the great 70s prog harmonies on the ‘hook’ here.
92. Lil Durk - Dis Ain’t What U Want
I’d never heard this before, surprisingly, though I did read a 2-page piece about him in the new VICE three days ago on the bus to Chicago. **AUTHENTICITY**
91. Forest Swords - Thor’s Stone
I liked this album a lot--more than the last one. I’m fine with this track being in the 90s, though.
90. Yo La Tengo - Ohm
Though I loved YLT when I saw them this year, I still haven’t even taken a stab at becoming acquainted with their catalog. This is a nice song, though, for sure.
89. Young Thug - Picacho
How have I never heard this before? Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me??
88. Grouper - Vital
I saw Grouper four days ago and it was so very lovely. Thanks for the songs, Grouper!
87. The National - Pink Rabbits
My favorite track from the new album. 87 is pretty low! I don’t know about that call.
86. Ty Dolla $ign - Paranoid feat. Joe Moses
This is the first song on this list that am I am not a fan of. It didn’t do much for me this time, though it’s worth mentioning that I’ve never heard Ty before.
85. Janelle Monae - Q.U.E.E.N. feat. Erykah Badu
I actually haven’t heard this album yet! This was a good introduction to it. Erykah Badu is someone I know nothing at all about. Two more for the list of things to look into…
84. Chvrches - Recover
One of my personal favorites of the year! This was in the top 5 singles list I made halfway through the year. I assume “Mother We Share” will be between 15 and 5.
83. My Bloody Valentine - New You
A curious choice. I wonder if there was a lot of deliberation over what I assume will be the one song representing mbv on this list.
82. Jon Hopkins - Open Eye Signal
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to low in this ranking!! That’s criminal. This song is tremendous.
81. Disclosure - Help Me Lose My Mind feat. London Grammar
Man, Disclosure is going to completely sweep this list.
80. Future - Karate Chop feat. Casino
This song’s hook is pretty great.
79. Omar Souleyman - Wenu Wenu
WENU WEEENU WENU
78. Mariah Carey - #Beautiful feat. Miguel
Miguel is so cool! What a cool person!! And Mariah Carey isn’t all that old!!
77. Julia Holter - Hello Stranger
It’s beautiful and all, but don’t you wish she had covered “Beautiful Stranger” instead?
76. Fuck Buttons - Brainfreeze
Those HEALTH drums. I appreciate Pitchfork’s blurb for this--especially its crude categorization of the three FB albums.
75. Youth Lagoon - Mute
Still not wild about Youth Lagoon, but I’m fine with this ranking.
74. M.I.A. - Come Walk With Me
Pleased to see this make the list. When an act plays an unreleased song live without any advance hype (see: Animal Collective bootleg videos in 2008), I typically mostly forget what it sounds like until I’m acquainted with the album cut. This song stuck with me remarkably well between her set in Chicago and the studio version’s release. Total bamboo.
73. Big Sean - Control (HOF) feat. Kendrick Lamar and Jay Electronica
The verse is still terrific. The hype was overblown, but it’s still there. And as a cultural event (this is, after all, the Top 100 Tracks of 2013) you couldn’t make a list of the year’s songs without giving this a slot. Although that means both of Miley’s singles would also have to make the list, etc. etc.
72. Darkside - The Only Shrine I’ve Seen
This swings so hard. Fast forward to pimply high school kids of the future playing arrangements of this in their extra-curricular 7AM electronic music ensembles.
71. Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know?
I haven’t heard this album yet. After hearing the song though, I do feel like I may be a fan.
70. Neko Case - Man
I also have not heard this album yet! What a travesty. This song RIPS!
69. 2 Chainz - Feds Watching feat. Pharrell
I’m pretty sure I’ve heard this song less than 5 times, but it feels like many more times than that. This is pretty infectious.
68. Kurt Vile - Goldtone
This is so dreamy. Conspiracy theorists may not that this track was purpose-built as a ten-minute transition from ‘Wakin on a Pretty Daze’ to ‘Dream River’.
67. Daft Punk - Doin’ It Right feat. Panda Bear
It’s still so awesome that this collaboration happened. I’m glad it turned out well.
66. Chance the Rapper - Chain Smoker
Live love Chance.
65. Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines (feat. T.I. and Pharrell)
There are things 2013 wouldn’t have been 2013 without. Spring Breakers, Miley Cyrus, Pharrell putting his hands into everything.
64. Prurient - You Show Great Spirit
I have really liked Prurient in the past, and I love this Prurient. Like Ty Segall, here’s a person that has really excelled in a variety of formats.
63. Young Magic - Pretty Boy (Peaking Lights Remix)
I’d never heard this before, but it was very nice.
62. Vampire Weekend - Ya Hey
Take that, Vampire Weekend!! #62! But don’t be too sad. ‘Diane Young’ will get your picture on a big banner in the top ranking. The p4k blurb for this is pretty weak.
61. Charli XCX - You (Ha Ha Ha)
I’m laughing!
60. Thundercat - Heartbreaks + Setbacks
This is so smooth. I’ve never heard anything like Thundercat live, though--this feels miles from it. If only he toured more often, or lived closer.
59. Majical Cloudz - Bugs Don’t Buzz
I do really like this, although I think it’s fine at #59.
58. Sky Ferreira - Nobody Asked Me (If I Was Okay)
I hate on Sky a lot, but I guess I haven’t even heard her new album yet. That’s embarrassing. This is enjoyable. Not very smart, and plenty self-pitying, but at least they still have some of the “Nevermind” “Party Hard” guitars that tend to be my favorite part of Sky’s live sets.
57. Classixx - All You’re Waiting For feat. Nancy Whang
SO GOOD. One of the best tracks from one of my favorite albums of 2013.
56. Chief Keef - Citgo
Meh!
55. Justin Timberlake - Mirrors
Now, this is what I call music! My hands-down pop single of the year (all competitors never stood a chance). Completely slighted with this #55 slot.
54. Rich Homie Quan - Type of Way
Sit down here on my knee, my little baby son. There are all kinds of people in this world. In your life, there will be people that try to tell you that ‘Type of Way’ is a better song than ‘Mirrors’.
53. Deerhunter - Monomania
Sloppy Deerhunting never hurt anyone!
52. Pharmakon - Crawling on Bruised Knees
Great, great album. I would have rather this been on the top half of the list (even at #50), but I’ll settle for this.
51. Arcade Fire - Afterlife
Yes, yes. A great penultimate track for the penultimate ages!
50. Phosphorescent - Song for Zula
Highway Robbery!!!! This being so low in the ranking is unacceptable.
49. Courtney Barnett - Avant Gardener
oh WOW. I have never listened to Courtney Barnett before but I absolutely loved this song. Man!! I look forward to catching up on her releases. If there’s typically even half as good as this..
48. Pusha T - Numbers on the Boards
I haven’t heard this album yet. This was a pretty slick track, though.
47. DJ Rashad - Let It Go
I prefer “Drums Please” to this track from this quick but quality EP. What can you do. At least this means there will be another Rashad track on the list! I expect to hear from him again in the 20s.
46. A$AP Ferg - Hood Pope
I anticipate his Shabba remix will be in the top ten singles. This is a good pick for the upper-middle of the list.
45. Glass Candy - Warm in the Winter
So lush. I am not sure I’ve listened to this release before. It’s easy on the ears!
44. Parquet Courts - Stoned and Starving
Man, this song is so good. Another of my personal top picks for the year.
43. FKA twigs - Water Me
This song creeps!
42. Todd Terje - Strandbar (disko)
Ah! the token Todd Terje track on this list. This is a winner.
41. Janelle Monae - PrimeTime feat. Miguel
Sloooooooow buuuuuuuuuuurn.
40. Kanye West - Bound 2
YES
39. Waxahatchee - Swan Dive
This is a pretty good place for this song.
38. Migos - Versace
SHOUTS OUT TO MIGOS
37. Perfect Pussy - I
YEEA this tape ruuulez. I did not expect this ranking.
36. Rhye - Open
Eh!
35. ASAP Rocky - Fuckin’ Problems feat. 2 Chainz, Drake, and Kendrick Lamar
I was not pleased with this upon its release, but it’s grown a lot on my over time. This was very 2013.
34. Haim - Falling
Wow! I anticipated this charting higher. I wonder if ‘The Wire’ will be higher on the list.
33. Run The Jewels - Banana Clipper feat. Big Boi
I haven’t listened to this project very much, but whenever I have I have definitely been pleased. This is enjoyable. 33 Okay.
32. Disclosure - White Noise feat. AlunaGeorge
At the moment, my money’s on Disclosure for Pitchfork’s Album of the Year. There were a ton of brilliant moments on ‘Settle’. I see ‘Fire’ in the top 20 and ‘Latch’ in the top 10.
31. Lorde - Royals
Like ASAP Rocky’s first big hit, it’s taken me a while to entirely warm up to this song. I’m still not to 100%, but I certainly don’t dislike it.
30. Daft Punk - Touch
YES. This is the best kind of upset. I didn’t expect this to be on here, but I’m so glad it is. My favorite track from RAM.
29. Savages - She Will
It’s scary!
28. Kingdom - Bank Head feat. Kelela
Slick as heck. I don’t know if I heard this more than once or twice this year.
27. Chvrches - The Mother We Share
I don’t know if I heard this one hundred or two hundred times this year!
26. My Bloody Valentine - Only Tomorrow
Ah! I wasn’t expecting another mbv track here, but this is a great spot for one.
25. Danny Brown - Kush Coma
Pretty insufferable blurb, Pitchfork! Sheesh
24. Jai Paul - Str8 Outta Mumbai
Maybe 2014 will be Jai Paul’s year. (I think the jury’s still out on whether 2013 was or wasn’t his).
23. A$AP Ferg - Shabba feat. ASAP Rocky
Good thing I didn’t put money on this being in the top ten..or being listed as the remix, as Pitchfork sometimes tends to do. A+ song though.
22. Majical Cloudz - Childhood’s End
Now we’re getting to serious quality. That stuff was great, but this stuff...
21. James Blake - Retrograde
This was #2 for my year at June’s end. Such a terrific lead single for a follow-up!! Hmmm. I wonder if the James + Chance collaboration could be in the top 20…

OK. It’s time to anticipate the next 20. After much deliberation, I arrived at the following list (with 10 alternates)

Diane Young or Step
James + Chance?
Haxan Cloak - Mirror Reflecting
Wakin on a Pretty Day
Dope Song
Juan macLean - You Are My Destiny
Drake Hold on we’re going home or 5am in toronto
YYYs Sacrilege
Whorehouse

20. Autre ne Veut - Counting
19. Bathroom Laughter
18. Juan Maclean - Feel like Movin
17. When a Fire Starts To Burn
16. Birds
15. Blood orange - You’re not good enough
14. Mutual Benefit - Advanced Falconry
13. DJ Rashad I Don’t Give a Fuck
12. National - Sea of Love
11. Full of Fire
10. Body Party
9. Good Ass Job
8. Arcade Fire - Reflektor
7. Come Down to Us
6. Kanye West - New Slaves
5. Mikal Cronin - weight
4. Deafheaven - Dreamhouse
3. Autre Ne Veut - Play By Play
2. Latch
1. Get Lucky

20. Kurt Vile - Wakin on a Pretty Day
About a month after I started my current job, I felt comfortable enough to start listening to music while I worked. The first thing I listened to was this album, and it nearly never left rotation in the first week. There’s something so lovely and listenable about this album. Great track.
19. The Knife - Full of Fire
I guess #11 was a bit ambitious. This is a terrific song. Maybe it’d weight down the top ten too much?
18. Drake - Worst Behavior
Oops! I didn’t know this track existed. I hope there isn’t more Drake in this list, because I have no idea where it’d go. For the sake of the other awesome songs, I hope this is the sole track from this album.. but I sort of expect another since this is so low in the top twenty.
17. Sophie - Bipp
Uuuuuuuhhh another track I’ve never heard in the top twenty. This is an unfortunately familiar situation.. To the track, then. I love the artwork. The song is decent. It doesn’t come across as top-tier material to me, but it is fun!
16. Blood Orange - You’re Not Good Enough feat. Samantha Urbani
This is a great track. Good position. My closest prediction so far!

OK, reorganizing my list again. I am nervous Bathroom Laughter isn’t going to be on this list. That would be a tragedy. One of my very favorites of the year!

Diane Young or Step
James + Chance?
Haxan Cloak - Mirror Reflecting
Dope Song
Juan macLean - You Are My Destiny
Drake Hold on we’re going home or 5am in toronto
YYYs Sacrilege
Whorehouse
Autre ne Veut - Counting
Bathroom Laughter
Juan Maclean - Feel like Movin

15. When a Fire Starts To Burn
14. Birds
13. Mutual Benefit - Advanced Falconry
12. DJ Rashad I Don’t Give a Fuck
11. National - Sea of Love
10. Body Party
9. Good Ass Job
8. Arcade Fire - Reflektor
7. Come Down to Us
6. Kanye West - New Slaves
5. Mikal Cronin - weight
4. Deafheaven - Dreamhouse
3. Autre Ne Veut - Play By Play
2. Latch
1. Get Lucky

15. Bill Callahan - Small Plane
Oh wow, I forgot about this album when I ranked those songs!! I should probably be putting more thought into this. Obviously, I’m glad “Small Plane” is here. I really aaam a lucky man. Also, what’s with the new three-part name that Grayson Currin goes by? Maybe he’s a lucky man as well!
14. Vampire Weekend - Step
Maybe I should have made a list of 1-30 and just switched my 21-30 for my 11-20!
13. Earl Sweatshirt - Sunday feat. Frank Ocean
Aaah. I should have noted the absence of Earl on this list. Yeah, this is actually a pretty great track.
12. Sky Ferreira - I Blame Myself
ARE YOU SERIOUS! I will take the fall for each of these upsets but this is clearly Pitchfork’s mistake.
11. Kanye West - Blood on the Leaves
Ah!!! This was my second pick for Kanye in this list. Obviously, I love this track. This almost makes up for Sky being at 12. Ugh. I am not sure if that means Kanye will be in the top ten now, though. Hmmm.

Well, these five picks really threw off my ranking! Let’s see… I hope they don’t bring back Haim for “The Wire”. I feel out on a limb including Latch, all of a sudden--as if they’d drop both that and ‘when a fire starts to burn’. Is that possible?? And ANV probably won’t be as high as I wish it was. Also suspecting that Chance may be absent.

10. National - Sea of Love
9. Come Down to Us
8. Body Party
7. Good Ass Job
6. Kanye West - New Slaves
5. Mikal Cronin - weight
4. Deafheaven - Dreamhouse
3. Autre Ne Veut - Play By Play
2. Latch
1. Get Lucky

10. Autre Ne Veut - Play By Play
And I say…...Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaabyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Such a perfect jam. This is my song of the year!
9. Deafheaven - Dreamhouse
Yes yes yes. Wonderful track, and I suppose the 10-6 range is fine enough for me. This is gorgeous.
8. Daft Punk - Get Lucky feat. Pharrell
Wow! I am surprised, but pleased, with this placement. It’s been so iconic and such a central focus this year that I was expecting it to be the top pick on this list. Truly one of the great marketing stories of the internet age.
7. Disclosure - Latch feat. Sam Smith
WOW! This is very interesting. My picks for the 1-4 of this list were Pitchfork’s picks for 6-10. This song is truly amazing and, Like Play By Play, I’ve especially enjoyed the way bits of meaning have attached themselves to the already-great music.
6. Haim - The Wire
I should have known!! Now that a lot of the songs that I knew would be in the top 20 have been used, there’s a lot of wiggle room for surprises. The only ones I feel confident that they’ll use are “Weight” and “Body Party”. This is most unusual! Maybe I’m forgetting something large here. I’m also hesitant to keep Burial in here since his song just came out. I don’t know if they would want to use such a fresh track in the top five. Reflektor may return to my predictions..

5. Good Ass Job
4. Come Down to Us
3. Body Party
2. Kanye West - New Slaves
1. Mikal Cronin - weight

Well, who knows..

5. Ciara - Body Party
Fitting spot for a great track. I’m too excited to see what #4 is to say more than that.

4. Come Down to Us
3. Good Ass Job
2. Kanye West - New Slaves
1. Mikal Cronin - weight

4. Arcade Fire - Reflektor
Woof! I was going to bring in Reflektor to replace Burial and Chance if neither of them were number 4. This is truly down ~~to the wire~~! I’m way too excited about this..

3. Come Down to Us
2. Kanye West - New Slaves
1. Mikal Cronin - weight

3. Vampire Weekend - Hannah Hunt
You gotta be kitten me! I enjoyed this album, but I would never have considered this track for #3 of the year. At this point, I am just totally lost. Unless Kanye is 2 and Mikal’s tops? Well..

2. Kanye West - New Slaves
1. Mikal Cronin - weight

2. Kanye West - New Slaves
Yeah!! This is one of of those inextricably ‘2013’ tracks. One of those songs that the sound of my steps elicits in my brain.
1. Drake-Hold On, We’re Going Home feat. Majid Jordan
THIS LIST SUCKS NO MORE DRAKE HOW COULD THERE BE A TOP 100 SONGS LIST OF 2013 WITHOUT “WEIGHT”???? GAAAAAAA. TURN IT OFF!